Thursday, March 25, 2010

Safety: The Two Most Important Things You Need to Houseproof Your Child

As the twins have started becoming more mobile and more curious, I've had child safety on my mind.  I keep hearing about this idea of "childproofing" your house, which would be great if it weren't the completely wrong approach.  Not only is it impossible to make a house totally safe for (and from) your children; it is the wrong message to send them.  Do we want them to think they can just alter their environment so that it accommodates them?  Do we rope off the ocean so they won't be in danger of drowning?  Do we level mountains so they will never fall?  Of course not.  So why should we alter our homes and give them a false sense of security and an erroneous notion of how to deal with danger?  I'm not suggesting that we let them hurt themselves.  But we can teach them to adapt to whatever environment they find themselves in by identifying perils, using common sense, and deploying the proper protective equipment.

In the case of houseproofing your child, here are the two most important things you need.

  1. Wrap, bubble
  2. Tape, scotch or duct
Or you can wait until my prototype goes into production:

Not only is the bubble-wrap onesie impact resistant; it is also comfortable, stylish, warm, non-conductive, and buoyant.


Now that I have the twins' physical safety dialed in, I need to figure out what to do about the frightening realization that they seem to be headed down the road to becoming emo kids.

Cobra only wants to learn minor chords.  Look how sad that makes her sister.

"I wear pink on the outside, but black is how I feel on the inside."


  1. Ha! I hope that bubblewrap is resealable for the quick diaper changes! We should consider that for N when we get back from Guatemala. Who knows what kind of mischief he will get into without the constant supervision of the senora. I'm pretty sure he'll be headed strait to the stereo to crank some of Croba's emo tunes.

  2. I'm sure you can rig some kind of safety gear for him out of materials available in Guate. Corn husks maybe? Just keep him off the roof of the chicken bus.

  3. I love that Butterbean is channeling Morrissey at the age of 9 mos. She is going to grow up to be awesome.

  4. Non conductive onesies! Keeps kids with electrical cords safe in the rain!

  5. @Lauren--Who knows how such things happen. BTW, we need to arrange a playdate soon. Meet you at the cemetery gate?

    @James--I can't believe kids' clothes manufacturers haven't already incorporated these features! In fact, I think they've gone backwards. What ever happened to fireproof asbestos PJs?

  6. Butterbean, I must know who your stylist is. Is it Rachel Zoe? Because I will call her right now. I NEED that bubble wrap jacket to wear at the gas station so people will think I don't care what others think.

    -Lady Gaga

  7. Lady G,

    Try this link for the b-wrap clothes.

  8. LOL that is too funny! But don't joke too loudly about the emo kid thing because I always did (joke loudly about it) and then two of mine did just that as teens. They grew out of it though...mostly :)

  9. Hiliarious! My sister just shared your site with me and I'm loving it. My peapod is almost 1 and I can relate to the bubblewrap idea. It would save so much time in the long run!

  10. LOVED this post! I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but I completely agree about childproofing. They even make special closet door gadgets that prevent your kid from pinching his finger. My philosophy is, he's only going to pinch his finger once before he stops playing with the door. (shrug.)

    I'm now thinking that bubble wrap would make a cute material for a raincoat.

  11. Piecemeal--We'll see how flippant I am about child safety once the girlies start crawling in earnest.


Don't hold back.


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