Thursday, October 7, 2010

Guide to Beta Dad

I have no idea how Blogger's "Blog of Note" thing works, but I know that it's driving crazy amounts of traffic here; so I assume you might be visiting for the first time.  That's why I painstakingly researched (asked my wife), and lovingly compiled (threw together) this list of some of my posts that might give you an idea of what to expect if you choose to make this a regular haunt.

Although I'd like to think it was due to a sudden interest in rhetorical analysis of children's books, I'm pretty sure I landed on the "Blog of Note" list due to a kerfuffle concerning a wildly popular blog called "Single Dad Laughing."  If you're interested in the drama of the last few days, check this out (the comments are especially interesting).

Did you read about the drama?  Do you feel like you need to take a bath?  Wait.  Read some of the following posts first.  You should find them as refreshing as a country lane after a spring shower.

Night at the park  Ruminations on the urban ecosystem of the park near our house, where I spend a lot of time with my kids and dog.  It also has a thriving hobo population and gay cruising scene.  #trannyhookers

TV-free shorties  The perils of raising children on a media diet of NPR, Tom Waits, and gansta rap.

My cruel wife and her cute babies  Just an example of how my wife persecutes me, and some irresistible pictures of the twins when they were half their current age.

Five things for cynics to do at church   How I got through a church service in order to get our kids on the waiting list for their preschool.

Rhetorical Analysis: The Wheels on the Bus  A quasi-scholarly look at the iconic children's book/song.  Warning: includes lactation-stimulating pictures.  (I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you like it, check out the other posts with the tags "rhetorical analysis" and "literary analysis."  I love writing these and wish people would demand that I do it more often.)

Butching it up for the daddy playdate   The initial anxiety and eventual triumph on the occasion of my first encounter with the stay-at-home dad group, which, along with the Asian mommy group, constitutes my real world adult social life.

Large dog drags babies through park  Our much-maligned Swissy dog doing what she does best--pulling a wagon and looking beautiful.

Pets from the past: Moscow '79  A visit to a back-alley vet after a car vs. dog collision on a winter night during the cold war, when my dad was posted at the U.S. embassy in Moscow.

Mother's Day fail and brilliant recovery  My wife likes this one.

Happy Patriarchy Dad  I like this one because it made my dad squirm.

Failing at feminist fathering  Blah blah blah whatever.  This has some really cute pictures of the girls in their girly party clothes.

Drugs have no effect on me  During a recent surgery, I'm visited by Giant Demi Moore, who accuses me of having a crush on Seventies Cher. 

Follicles for Algernon  This was a guest post I wrote for Clark Kent's Lunchbox about going bald, and the shame spiral it creates.  People with thick, luxurious hair thought it was a real riot.  Jerks.

The Shiny: an animated short  The twins try to pull off a heist on the Beta Family Dishwasher, using an ATV and a mustard bottle.

Greta and the Grief Stalker   A crazy(ish) lady follows me around the park as I prepare to have my dog euthanized.  Good times.

 Or, if you don't want to read all those words, you could just check out this video of the twins running around like maniacs.


One more thing.  I entered a contest at a cool new(ish) website called "Man of the House."  It's called "The World's Greatest Dad Contest," and while I don't really consider myself to be even in the top quintile of greatest dads in my zip code, I certainly want the cash money prize they are offering.  If anything would make me a better dad, it would be a couple thousand bucks.

Because I didn't know about the contest until moments before it ended, I just submitted a short video of my dog pulling the babies in a wagon.  Anyway, my buddy John Cave Osborne is a shoe-in for the grand prize, and he plans to give the money away to a worthy charity.  But there's a second prize, and I sure could apply that money toward a new laptop, so I could blog more efficiently.  Even if my video is kind of lame, part of the idea of the promotion is simply to vote for your favorite dadblogger.  So, I don't know...why don't you go over there and vote for me, or vote for John, or any of the other guys.  Check out the site in any case.  It's pretty cool.  Here's the link.  I'm listed as Beta D.  Mine is the only video with a dog in a harness pulling babies in a Radio Flyer.    

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you'll click some of the "follow" and "share" buttons.

Update 10:30 a.m. :  You should just go ahead and vote for John Cave Osborn, because he's donating the money to a good cause, and he's in second place right now.  Voting for me would be a wasted vote at this point.  Here's the link


  1. From what I read Blogger says they randomly pick their Blog of Note(s)..But I think they actually read them to see if they have any substance as well as the comments left... Yours I can see has both...Blog of Note is one of the ways I pick the posts that I follow...Have u read Single Parent Dad? he's a widower in the UK and his stories are very well written like well as humorous and touching... U have two beautiful babies...and u are very brave to take on their upbringing for the majority of the day...

  2. New follower as well.

    Proud father of 2 beautiful daughters.

    3 red headed women in my house(well,I say "my" house)so I know my place(just behind the pets)

  3. I think you're a great writer, have just about caught up on your posts and haven't been disappointed once (but if you read my blog, you might find that my standards are pretty low, LOL!).
    I've only been at this for a few short months and am finding a TON of mommy blogs, so an honest, human approach to fathering is very refreshing.
    p.s. I started reading before the SDL post. Happy you're out here fumbling like the rest of us, just doing your thing. Congrats!

  4. Three women in our house. Poor dad...even the cat is Miss Pickles.

  5. Long time reader. I just love you Beta Dad. Haters be gone! You are a great guy. You are funny, smart and a great dad. Can no one have an opinion these days? Jeez. I'd take Beta Dad once a month versus some other blogs that have me heaving. Good blogs are hard to find, keep it up.

  6. Your blog is the funniest thing ever!! Love it! :)

    - Tom
    Money Back Guaranteed System!

  7. Oh, came over from Wait in the Van's, and am so happy I did.

    You are funny.

    Thank you so much for your blog, b/c I don't know any in real life funny people.

    Yeah, well,, maybe two, but still..

  8. Nice job on the Blog of Note! Even if it's a dirty victory... hahaha.

    My husband and I are about to have our first child, and we're splitting the stay-at-home parenting about half and half. I'm sure he would like to check out your adventures and ingenious insights here.

    I blog on The Magic Nutshell about writing, having this baby, and living in a house with an eccentric husband and our shady pal, The Baked Chef.

  9. Thanks, everybody!

    @Elly Lou--Takes one to know one. Bam! (winky-face emoticon)

  10. All those WORDS!

    Wait, I've read most of them already.

    Hope you'll remember the little people, famous guy! :P

  11. Congrats to making the blog of note. With the amount of traffic you could possibly consider monetize it? You do write great and it could a semi decent side income ;p.

    Food money for you and your kids. Good luck!

    SkyBlueRPG's MMORPG

  12. @Keely--

    Have we met? Oh, yeah...Keely, from that thing where we were hanging out! *So* great to hear from you.

    Psyche/sike. I'm sure I'll remember you in fifteen minutes, when the cool site about making styrofoam owls is the blog of note.

  13. I hereby demand more rhetorical analysis! Though it might be more semiotic analysis, as you are reading largely for perlocutionary acts (effects on the reader) rather than intended meanings or persuasive modes.

  14. I am visiting from the world of personal finance blogging....also known as "how badly we mucked up our life and now we are paying for it."

    Will have to read more when I have a few....I have 8 year old twins, and it is fun to relive the "little" days.

  15. You rockstar, you.
    I think it's awesome that you've tapped into a ginormous new readership. And I am not even a little tiny bit jealous of the fact that your followers have more than doubled in the last 24 hours.

    I am certainly not remotely virtually barely discernably even slightly jealous, mostly.

  16. @Trout--Potayto, potahto. You say semiotics, I say rhetoric.

    I like the post-Burkean iteration of rhetoric, in which we consider "rhetoricality"--the notion of language (written, spoken, visual, etc.) as symbolic action, including its motivations and its effects, whether intended or not. You're probably one of those people who thinks "irony" can only be used to describe an action having the exact opposite effect of what was intended. Loosen up, homie.

    Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" and its implications vis-a-vis emerging subject positions during language acquisition.

    @DiPi--And I'm not jealous of your new writing gig at all. Mostly.

  17. Listen, don't tell anyone this shit is random, because HI. THAT is a backhanded little ditty. Even if it is random. Which IT'S NOT.


    But, seriously, Mr.Note, fix the link for the follicles post because I think my husband would find it awesome. Ahem. Don't tell him I said that. He's got a FULLY LUXURIOUS head of hair.

  18. @Kristine,

    That's right! We're in an exclusive club. And where's my damn t-shirt?

    Thanks for the heads-up on the broken link. Tell your husband that his luxurious hair can suck it.

  19. I think that if any dad in this contest for "worlds greatest dad", enters himself, I think that he should be disqualified. I think that if a dad enters himself, then he is being a little egotistic, and in turn, teaching his children that it is ok to be so, for money. I like your blog, I am glad I stumbled upon it, Just trying to put my two cents in.

  20. Congrats on making Blog of Note! You have a great blog, and your babies are so adorable! I'm a new follower.

  21. Congrats!

  22. This entry is kind of like those Gilligan's Island episodes where they're trapped in a cave or something and to pass the time decide to tell stories, so somebody ways "Remember when we all thought the island was sinking and it turned out Gilligan was just using the measuring stake to hold his fish trap and was moving it further out every night?" and then they'd flash back to that episode and then somebody would say "Remember when we almost got off the island but then Gilligan ate The Professor's coconut radio?" and then they'd show that. I feel like we are all just biding our time here....

  23. @Trout--That's exactly what's going on. Giving the new people a chance to catch up. Also preparing my most powerful post. Stay tuned.


    I love your page... Link Exchange??

    Common Cents

  25. I'm new to blogging and have about 8 readers if you count my husband and mom. I had to chime in after I read Single Dad Laughing (I hate that our mocking of him ironically drives traffic to his site but whatever). I threw up in my mouth a little somewhere around "you keep being awesome". But then, twenty minutes into Titanic I couldn't wait for that ship to go down. I think I'm gonna like it here.

    Ophelia Keith

  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

  27. Yup, it's my first time here and in the words of The Terminator -
    "I'll be back".
    Great blog and congratulations on becoming a Blog Of Note!

  28. It's my first time here. Blogs of Note always suggests featured Blog that worth reading.

    When would you upgrade from Beta version to 1.0 version?

  29. Hey really love your blog...I just started one about my little girl and being a stay at home dad...Iam new to this so it would be good to get sum tips from u or anyone who would like to give me advice!!! Cheers!!.. please come visit my blog...

  30. I am a brother of 5 soon to be 6 sisters...I know i know... but out of all of the babies i've seen running around the house, I haven't seen babies so energetic at such a young age. Maybe that's because there has never been 2 together at the same age in my house. Enjoy it while you can! Once they become teenagers.. oh man.

  31. I don't want to upset you, but the IRS uses Blogs of Note as a resource to determine who to audit.

    A recent Fouker report showed that 87% of recent audits were derived either from Blogs of Note or Wordpress.

  32. Okay okay! Count me in! These are some quality goods my friend. Unfortunately for you, this means I'll be hanging around here now, poisoning your comments section from time to time. Sorry.

  33. I hope you have a book in the works...

  34. I had twins 42 years ago and now one of my twins had twins - also my mother was a triplet. I read through some of your former posts - keep letting the babies nap. They (you) need sleep. Activities and enrichment sound good but not with cranky babies. Congrats and Good Luck!

  35. Going to trash another blogger today to see if it boosts rankings to my site as well.

  36. BWAH HAHAHAHA Your blog is amazing. I don't think I've laughed so much before. I am FOLLOWING YOU... okay, the all caps seems really creepy, sorry 'bout that!

    It's hard finding a well written blog that I actually want to read, not just browse through. And you're right, that Dan guy seems "off". I look forward to reading- you definitely deserve "blog of note".

  37. New follower based on "blogs of note".

    I don't really care how they select this award, I am just happy that it is led me to follow some very interesting and (in your case) hilarious blogs.

    Keep writing!

  38. Belated congratulations on your blog of note designation. Cobra and Butterbean deserve to share your fame! Either your parenting or the twin psyche is extraordinary. C&B seem to be 100% aware of each other all the time -- watching, participating or sharing -- in such a good natured way.

  39. @Granny J--Thanks, Mom! You can attribute the "good nature" to genetics, parenting, and careful editing. I don't post the videos of them hitting each other over the head with bottles.

  40. سلم على الأهل والأحباب راجيا من الله أن يكونوا بخير. ماهي أخبارك؟ أتمنى أنك بأحسن الأحوال. هل من جديد؟ يسعدني أن أكتب لك هذه الرسالة راجيا من الله أن تلقاك بألف خير. بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم. müzik dinle السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته. مع السلامة و في رعاية الله. إن شاء الله تعالى. الحمد لله رب العالمين. سلم على الأهل والأحباب راجيا من الله أن يكونوا بخير. ماهي.müzik أخبارك؟ أتمنى أنك بأحسن الأحوال. هل من جديد؟ يسعدني أن أكتب لك هذه الرسالة راجيا من الله أن تلقاك بألف خير. بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم. السلام عليكم .dinle ورحمة الله وبركاته. مع السلامة و في رعاية الله. إن شاء الله تعالى. الحمد لله رب العالمين.


Don't hold back.


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