Monday, February 7, 2011

Beta Dad passes judgment on Baby Einstein and parents who let their babies watch TV

I have a new post up on DadCentric, in which I get all self-righteous about keeping my kids away from the idiot box.  Mostly.  Come on over and add your two cents to the comments.

Here's how it starts: 

I'm afraid I'm about to get self-righteous and snobby and maybe a little preachy.

I didn't set out to do that.  I was going to write a snarky little post about how babies have terrible taste and the books they enjoy often have little literary or artistic merit.  Something like:
WTF is up with Goodnight Moon, anyway?  "Goodnight, nobody/Goodnight, mush"?  It's like somebody transcribed their peyote trip.  And the artwork, arbitrarily alternatint from vertiginously lurid color blocks to black and white line drawings, is as discomfiting as a David Lynch movie, but far less visually interesting.
And don't get me started on Baby Einstein...
But I did get started on Baby Einstein, and became a little horrified in the process.



  1. Just went and read it. It was both thorough and amazing.

    Great work.

  2. I never had a television until I was 19 years old. It's funny how many people find that tidbit weird so I can imagine their reaction when you say you haven't had one for a decade.

    It's amazing how much you can get done with a baby monitor during nap time! If only I was that efficient at my day job!

  3. It's a little sickening how eager parents are to let television or even computers raise their children for them. I don't care what reasons parents had in bringing children to the world, if they're going to raise a baby, they have to do it right. I know that sounds unfair, but it's not like I'm asking parents to be impeccable role models. I'm asking that they have the common sense to put their children above them. I'm glad to see a parent like you standing up for what's best for your kids, and not what's best for your free time. I almost vomited reading the reviews you quoted, with mothers so giddy about killing the spontaneity of their children through televised zombification. It's really unfair to the children. I don't care how educational shows are. If it's not brainwashing, then I don't know what is. (I'm sorry for the livid tone. I kind of get passionate about certain things)

  4. Yeah baby B.E. is about as annoying as it comes. And you sshould have written that first idea, because i gotta agree, goodnight moon is....hold on i gotta go fast forward through my boys shows commercials.

    Why American men should boycott American women

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.


  6. In response to the post about boycotting American women (which will probably be deleted, except that it's so crazy it's funny): I can't boycott American women. She's the only one that will have me.

    First: Goodnight, Moon. Is it just me, or is the rabbit lady in the rocking chair giving the kid in the bed the creepiest look ever? She's knitting, but she's got this evil look on her face, like maybe she's going to use the needles to do some harm.

    Second: TV: Look, dude. Do me a favor. Please. Find a way to watch an episode of Teen Mom 2. At this point, with all the reading you and your doctor lady baby momma do, I am certain you guys feel like you are good parents. But there is ANOTHER, GREATER level of parent feelgoodedness. You get there by watching Teen Mom 2. One scene in particular had a jobless Teen Mom with delusions of raising her child alone engaged in conversation with her friend while sitting on a moldy mattress on the side of the road. Teen Mom 2: for when you feel like maybe you're being a bad parent.

    Third: TV part deux. We have a babysitter for our kid. Honestly, we worry a lot about whether this lady plops our kid down in front of the tv. She says she doesn't. That she turns him around. That he likes the sound more than the images. We have no clue, you know? At home, he's more of a look out the window, scratch my face sort of dude. But I do admit to plopping him on my lap while watching sports. It's a bitch. Sometimes you just want to watch the game. And while it's easy to respond to that with, "Sometimes, you just want to turn your kid into a retard," sometimes you need a break.

    It's kinda like crack. You think, one more rock can't hurt. (scratches at neck).

  7. @Kev D.--Thanks!

    @Ed--Yeah, people don't know quite how to react. Then think I meant, "I don't watch TV much." It's hard for most people to imagine not actually owning the box.

    @Leila--I appreciate your passion!

    @Surfer Jay--I'm still going to write a whole post on Goodnight Moon. That book is just too freaky.

    @Boycott--Oh, hi again. Um, I guess you still haven't gotten that date you were hoping for?

    @Frank--I think I'll leave the comment up. That guy spammed me before and I deleted it. Probably missed out on some good comedy.

    I haven't seen Teen Mom yet, but my wife likes to watch SuperNanny. That's another one that makes you feel good about your parenting skills. I have a hard time watching it though. Too many screaming children.

    And sure, that one more little rock couldn't possibly hurt.


Don't hold back.


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