Thursday, February 17, 2011


Although my little angels are almost completely irrational, especially now that they're suffering from a new cold right on the heels of their recovery from the last two weeks' miserable plague, they are exceedingly clever.  Well, probably not any more exceedingly than any other parents' little angels.  But still, they're pretty damn smart.

They're doing all kinds of amazing things with language now, like using verbs and adjectives, and even stringing multiple words together.  I haven't caught them pairing a noun with a verb yet, so I can't claim that they are speaking in sentences--even "telegraphic" ones--but they've got developed a real knack for compound words.

Both of the girls get into moods where they'll look around and name every object within their field of vision that they know words for.  Sometimes they go beyond names and say other words that they associate with the objects as well.

Cobra was interfering helping me with the dishes about a week ago, and as I unloaded the dishwasher, she would point at whatever I grabbed, announcing what each utensil or piece of flatware was for.  I pulled out a fork and she said, "rice." I pulled out a sippy cup and she said "sữa" (Vietnamese for "milk").  She said "juice" when I grabbed a glass.  When she saw her mom's tea cup, she said, "Mommy."  When I pulled out my massive coffee mug, she said, "Daddyjuice."

Naturally I was excited that she had put two words together.  It seemed like a cognitive milestone.  I was also a little relieved that she had chosen to call the coffee cup, and not the beer bottle, "Daddyjuice."  Not that she didn't associate beer bottles with Daddy.  Both of the girls have been pointing at beer and wine bottles for months and saying "Daddy."  I just thought I would seem more responsible to other grownups if the thing she designated as "Daddyjuice" went in a coffee mug instead of a shot glass.

Alas, it was not to be.  It turns out that anything I drink regularly is called "Daddyjuice."  Except for milk and water, for which she has generic names.  So that pretty much leaves coffee and booze in the "Daddyjuice" category.

Not only are the girls clever, but they can be surprisingly wise as well. Yesterday for instance, I was feeling utterly beleaguered by the time Dr. Mom got home from work.  I had thought that we were out of the woods as far as the evil viruses we've been swapping, but after two days of good health and great spirits, they had returned to the snotty, needy, clingy, non-napping little urchins they had been in the previous weeks.

I'm still not feeling great, and my cough-related (?) hip injury/sciatica/whatever the hell it is makes it a real bitch to pick up two kids at once, which is what I had been doing all day, since the alternative was listening to them scream "uppy" and follow me around like little snot-zombies.  Also, we had been cooped up in the house all day due to rain and laziness.

But when Mom came home, the kids cheered up and piled onto her, giving me an opportunity to make a break for the icebox and open a cold one.

When I returned to the playroom, the girls were having a grand old time, clambering on their mom and giggling away.  I sat on the other side of the room, still grumpy and glad to have a little breathing room for the first time that day.

But Cobra would have none of my isolating myself.  Smiling broadly, she tottered across the room to me, pointing at my beer bottle and saying, "Daddyjuice!"  I thought for sure that she would try to wrest the bottle from my hand and then have a screaming fit when I kept it from her.  

But instead, she pushed the bottle up to my mouth, and tipped the bottom up as I partook of the frothy elixir.

I smiled weakly, but that wasn't enough to satisfy Cobra.  She pushed the bottle back toward me again and again until I had drained half its contents.  

Finally the medicine began to work, and I was able to laugh once again.  The kid might not know how to use the potty or wipe her nose, but she's a pretty solid life coach.

You know, as long as you're here, you might as well click on this link and check out the piece I wrote on MamaPop about the bromance between Eminem and Dr. Dre.   (The piece will be posted at 12 noon EST).


  1. amazing what they will do!. i can picture her tipping that bottle into your mouth... btw its a full moon out... not an old wive's tale, the moon plays a big part in behavior..especially female behavior.

  2. When out 2 girls were a little younger they would play with a little kitchen set.Mrs Jack was often given some "cake" and a cup of "tea",whereas I got beer or whisky.

    I think they were trying to tell me something....

  3. Thank you so much for "snot zombie." It encapsulates my Walking Dead home life perfectly.

  4. Thank GOD, this was about beer.

    The title had me worried.

  5. I'm with Ed..... the title intrigued me.

  6. Love it! I shared this with my husband.

  7. @KBF--How could I have not thought about the moon? They have actually been obsessed with it. And they have picked up howling. Seriously. Okay--we were at the zoo a couple days ago and howled with a timber wolf. Still...

    @Jack--I think they are telling us that we're more pleasant to be around when we have a little buzz on.

    Cpt D--And a glamorous life it is, right?

    @Ed--But you rushed right over to check it out, didn't you. Perv.

    @Amber--Yep. That's what we in the biz call "link bait." Or "search engine optimization." Or something. Anyway, I know exactly what I'm doing.

    @Genie--Thanks. I'm pretty sure all kids learn this term under the right conditions.

  8. Coffee and beer are the two drinks my boys associate with me as well. I jokingly offer a sip to them every now and then and they give it a solid "blech", but that'll have to stop before they take me up on it.

  9. I see your youth training program is coming along very nicely.

  10. I'm drinking me some daddyjuice right now. Oh man, that sounds wrong...
    Sorry you guys are suffering another cold. Hope it gets better soon xo

  11. daddyjuice!

    dirty thoughts. will refrain from jokes in poor taste.

  12. That's fantastic - they really know you!

    I think coffee and beer must universal daddyjuices. In fact, I'm going to have the latter Daddyjuice to go with a crumpet right now.


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