Monday, March 14, 2011

What Are We Gonna Call the Naughty Bits?

It's Monday, which usually means I'm posting on DadCentric.  And lo, I am posting on DadCentric!  Here's how it starts.  Please click the link at the end and come on over to give me some input on my linguistic conundrum.

We've come to a lexical crossroads with our 20-month-old twin girls.

Or maybe it's a fork in the road.

Perhaps a traffic circle?

Anyway, we're on a metaphorical road or path of some sort and we're at the point on that road where we have to figure out what euphemism we want to use when we talk about the girls' lady business. Businesses.  See?  Like I said--it's a problem.

We need to get on this posthaste too, because the days when they want to discuss know...junk, are virtually upon us.

Currently, they're fascinated by bodily functions, and although they don't always correctly distinguish "poo-poo" from "pee-pee," they are quite adept at pronouncing the words.  And somehow, those words don't bother my wife or me.  They're neither too cutesy nor too vulgar.  They seem to be pretty much the preferred juvenile terminology for "feces" and "urine" nowadays, and I don't think any of their future preschool classmates and teachers will think they have negligent parents because they use the non-clinical terms.

But in addition to the stuff they see in their dirty diapers, they are also fascinated with the body parts the diapers conceal.  At bathtime, they've started poking each other in the butt, saying "poo-poo," and falling into fits of laughter.  I know.  Comedy gold, right?

The fascination doesn't stop with the butt, either.  They both dedicate a little bit of bathtime every day to exploring their crotchal areas.  And again, their commentary in this context is restricted to the phrases "pee-pee" and "poo-poo," which they use interchangeably to refer to anything that happens or exists in the diapered region.  I may once again be projecting my own anxieties onto the kids, but I swear that when they verbally flail around with "poo-poo pee-pee," they look at us quizzically, almost plaintively, wondering why we don't tell them the right words.



  1. I'd go with hoo-haa and dingoling. And butthole. Butthole is funny. And accurate, if we're going to be honest.

    All my son ever says is MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

    At least you have options, sir.

  2. Since my wife has a native language that wasn't English, we called the naughty bits their Tagalog equivalent. I was worried like you that their peers would make fun of her when she got older but it never reached that far. By four, she was already correcting me and saying that it was a butt and not the Tagalog equivalent. I suppose that if she made it to high school sex ed, there might be problems but I don't think she will make it to kindergarten this fall without learning the English names.

  3. Our three year old is very, VERY advanced when it comes to 'poo'. As in 'poo-poo head' or 'you're a poo-poo' or...well, you get the idea. All courtesy of her older brother.

    Supermum has seen fit to gift us with 'front bottom.' Oh thanks a bunch, beloved.

  4. Since Jackson is not even a month old we haven't had to breach this subject just yet but it comes up in conversation. Like when I put him in the car seat and dread the snap of the belt that goes over his uh-penie, lulu, supersoaker? Im always worried "what if I pinch his ____" ya let's face it even before he can become curious about his own junk, mommy needs to know what to call it.

  5. @Frank--I believe that's spelled "ding-a-ling." And I agree, "butthole" is funny. And "bottomhole" is pretty funny too. And MMMMM is not such a bad thing to say.

    @Ed--Yeah, their peers have much more influence on them than their parents.

    @Dadwhowrites--I'm really starting to take a shine to "frontbottom." In fact, it would make a great name for a band!

    @Mrs. K--Exactly! You can't be cavalier about the language you use in front of them. They get to a point where they repeat everything they hear.

  6. Yes, I also have two small toddlers with a clitoral fascination. I have thus far ignored it. As for words, well, I was thinking something like "Detroit" and "Lansing."


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