Friday, December 2, 2011

The Moist Ache

When all this Movember stuff was just getting started, I was on my iPhone, contributing to a DadCentric email thread about some aspect of growing mustaches.  I wasn't sure of the preferred spelling of "mustache" because I had had so little occasion to use the word in the past.  I never dreamed I would have said or typed "mustache" so many times in my life, much less actually sported one on my face.

Anyway, I used the British spelling "moustache," which my iPhone autocorrected to "moist ache."  Wacky antics ensued, as you would expect.

And the antics continued through the month, even though the cause they served was a serious one: research to prevent and cure cancers that affect men.  Our team of 65 mustache farmers, under the leadership of dad-to-the-dadblogosphere Doug French, grew approximately 67 'staches (Whit Honea grew at least three by my count), and raised over $19,000 dollars to fight prostate and testicular cancer!  On behalf of my team, I thank everyone who donated.  Those of you who didn't--I'm sure you had a good reason, and you'll do the right thing next year.

On top of the $19,000+ that we squeezed out of our friends, families, neighbors, and readers, Philips Norelco kicked in another $15,000 in our name!  I'm no math whiz, but that's seems like it equals a shitload of cash.

And, as if that weren't enough, Philips Norelco donated a bunch of high-tech mustache-removal equipment to help some of us transition back into normal life once Movember was over.  Full disclosure: those of us who took advantage of this offer agreed to videotape ourselves shaving off our 'staches and provide links to this hefty rebate offer.

When it came time to hack off the ol' soup strainer, the beard trimmer and SensoTouch 3D electric razor made the job easy and mostly painless.  The trimmer bush-hogged the heavy brambles, vacuuming up the detritus in its wake so there was no mess to clean up.  And the SensoTouch sanded it all down to a smooth finish.

I was skeptical about electric razors, not having used one since the days when they all had the ergonomic properties of a brick.  But this thing was comfortable, lightweight, and it gave me a pretty close shave.  And supposedly, as your skin gets accustomed to it, you will get even closer shaves and less skin irritation.  When you're done shaving, you park the SensoTouch in a little dock that charges it, washes it with jets of cleaning solution, and then dries it.  It's practically a robot.

I'm so lazy and generally unkempt that I usually only shave every three or four days.  But my sleek new toy makes me want to shave every time I see it.  I seriously think I'm gonna shave right now, at 2:00 a.m..  If you're thinking about getting an electric razor for yourself or as a gift, I think this is a solid choice.  And don't forget about the holiday rebate they're running.

Here's the video of my depilation.  I'll understand if you don't want to watch the whole gnarly process, but the beginning and end, where the girls express their opinions about the mustache and its absence, are pretty damn cute:




Click here to see the videos some of the other guys made.  At the very least, do yourself a favor and watch Whit's disturbing contribution



Getting rid of my mustache was bittersweet.  Although I never really owned my mustachedness, I enjoyed the air of authority and/or criminality it gave me (or I imagined that it did), not to mention the foil it provided for the other aesthetic flaws I've accrued over the years.

But now, like it or not, where once my mustache adorned the vast flesh-desert of my face like a bristly oasis, all that remains is a slightly sweaty phantom pain--a moist ache, if you will.


11 comments:

  1. Well done on your efforts at raising cash BD.Plenty of my customers have done similar over here (obviously in not as dashing a way as yourself.A couple of Lemmy specials have ended up a bit,well,Village People).

    Cold on that upper lip now?

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  2. It feels a bit naked, but it's nice to not have to worry about catching food in it.

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  3. My, the things we can do one handed! lol...You were brave to let the girls run it against your cheek...

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  4. My only complaint is that there wasn't enough of your ridiculously, criminally cute girls in the video.

    That shaver, looks like a James Bond gadget. I have envy.

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  5. I'm constantly amazed at the male sang froid. I would never have let my 3 year old near my head (or his own, in fact) with a functioning shaving device.
    On a side note, you looked more badass with the 'tache, and your girls were adorable with the blue hair.

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  6. Next time you should all do it Whit's way and you can get the Philips Bodygroom! (aka, the convenient, fast, and simple way / to make your genitals bloom)

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  7. "not having used one since the days when they all had the ergonomic properties of a brick" hahaha comedy gold =D

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  8. I know you did the stache thang, but did you also, while you had the electronic gadgets, do a little manscaping?

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  9. You're a shameless corporate shill! With hella cute daughters.

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Don't hold back.

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