Friday, December 9, 2011

This is what it's like when I whine

I just got back from the gym, which I'm going to be saying a lot from now on, and hopefully it will be true most of the time.  I've fallen into some bad health habits lately.  And by lately, I mean since the kids were born.  I've gained twenty pounds, in the usual way.  Actually, I think I gained that in the first month of being a stay-at-home dad.  But it hasn't shown any signs of leaving, for the usual reasons. 

My kids are cute though, right?

My sleep habits are not the best.  Since I'm now co-sleeping with Cobra at naptime (she won't sleep otherwise), I can't rely on that window of opportunity for writing or any other activity that requires any sustained concentration.  So I stay up until 2:00 or 3:00 or 4:00 most nights.  I average around six hours of sleep per day, I think, which has always been enough for me.  But it would probably be better if I were able to get those sleep hours consecutively. 

My back is still jacked up, as it has been for almost a year now.  I've got a herniated disc that bangs into my sciatic nerve and shoots pain bullets down to my feet.  Cause unknown.  Ironically, my specialist says it's probably not from all the years of construction work, but is more likely from hunching over babies and laptops.  I've had three cortisone shots into my spine over the past six months, which help for a while; but the effect diminishes over time.  The condition is probably going to get better without surgery, according to my doc, but after giving it so much time already, it's kind of my call whether I want to get cut or not.  I don't really want to get cut.  The pain isn't so bad as long as I take 6-8 Tylenol per day, but there's a lot of stuff I can't do that I used to be able to do.  Like running and touching my toes.  It's improving.  Just in imperceptible increments.

So I'm hoping to get into a virtuous cycle wherein I sleep more (somehow), eat better, exercise more and disgust myself less.  If I lose some weight, it should help my back get better.  If my back gets better, I can exercise more.  If I exercise more, I can once again become the vain prick I was at 13% body fat.  (That was a long, long time ago.) 

I hesitate to write about this kind of stuff because my weight and pain (and self-image) issues are so minor compared to a lot of people's; but I'm hoping to shame myself into staying on task.  Nothing else has worked so far, so maybe if I post updates on my progress (or lack thereof), it'll keep me honest.  What I should really do is post pictures of myself in my underwear.  But then I would have to whine about all my blog traffic drying up in addition to everything else.

These are my favorite accessories


I wrote quite a bit of stuff that's currently being displayed on the internets, though; and that makes me feel not disgusted.  Perhaps you would enjoy reading some of them?

At Aiming Low, I wrote about being puked on.  It's short, funny, and gross.  Just what you were looking for.

At DadCentric (recently declared Best Dadblog by Parents magazine and Best Group Dadblog by Babble!), I wrote about why I hate Christmas trees.  It involves fire.

At Man of the House, I rolled out the old wooden trikes and waxed philosophic about building things for your kids. 

Also at Man of the House, I wrote about my run-in with a dangerous Guatemalan criminal network.

Finally, at Insert Eyeroll, I wrote about dirty K-9 cops.  


  1. Well u carry that extra weight well.. Certainly doesn't show.. I remember w/our first, my husband lost weight which he didn't need to do since he was thin... Your girls are looking adorable.. As far as napping w/the child who won't nap, better be careful sounds like she has you almost wrapped around her finger....

  2. The girls are going from cute to pretty, my friend. Actual bonafide pretty little girls. Get yourself to the gym, you've got some boys to intimidate.

    Also, about 8 months into blogging is when my back quit. I started seeing doctors (okay doctorishes) for it, but the only thing that improved it even a little was relearning posture. (I type this comment as I'm curled into a letter "S" in a tiny chair, because I'm only checking my email then I'm out. Seriously. One more blog then I'm out.)

  3. Oh, good luck with that! Staying healthy is important when you have wee ones. (Good grief, your kids are adorable.)
    Wish I could inspire you, but I can't. I've gained (and lost and gained and lost and gained) a totally of about 20 pounds over the last 3 years (my friends say they don't see it, but I think they're all liars). And documenting my lack of progress on my blog, FB, and Twitter have only reinforced my image as "hot fitness slacker" (I just added the 'hot' part). Apparently, shame does not motivate me.

    Looking forward to the underwear 'before' and 'after'. Or Speedos. Yeah, Speedos. Do that.

  4. Oh, and you should see an Athletic Therapist for your back.

  5. @KBF--Thanks, you're very kind. The truth is I never post pictures of myself that are unflattering, unless they invovle mustaches. And, yeah, I'm pretty much wrapped around her finger.

    @Steamy--I know, they're like little attractive people. I'm working on my posture too. I've actually be standing up while writing about 75% of the time. Supposedly that helps.

    @Nenette--I like "hot fitness slacker." That's what I want to be too.

  6. As a fellow sufferer of minor inconveniences and problems, I share your pain & guilt. And by "share your pain" I mean subject my blog readers to my endless whining.

    OK, I guess they are really the ones suffering the pain.

    Let me know if the gym thing works for you. I tried it about 3 years ago, and found that my fear of awkward social interactions far outweighed the improvement to my waistline and self image. Now I'm just a chubby, happy, hermit.

  7. You have a herniated disc? Ouch! So do most of my clients (and my de facto partner).

  8. @SteamMeUp - While I certainly won't argue with the importance of exercise, you don't need to be ripped to scare off future boyfriends. What you DO need is a gun. It doesn't have to be loaded ... or even real. You just need to know how to sell it when you greet the pimply suitor at the door while cleaning it. The ability to to give yourself a lazy eye helps a lot, too. My daughter's only 9 and her dad's already honing his "inner crazy."

  9. I feel for you! My better half's herniated disc got tons worse with each newborn. The leaning over the crib to change diapers did him in. He downs the excedrin back and body pain relievers, and they take the edge off. If you come across a non-surgical solution, keep us in the loop!

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  11. We should all aim to disgust ourselves less--lofty aspiration.

    Also: The Muskrat used to be, like, 3% body fat. Try living with THAT for six years. And birthing four babies. I feel your whine, my friend.

  12. Hi Beta Dad,
    I feel for you. I had back problems for years and I saw chiropractors to no avail. Sadly for you, I don't know how I got rid of those problems. Wish you good luck with the gym. Actually, that could be your solution, strong core muscle to hold your spine.


    P.S. Your daughter are very cute!

  13. You should get prescription marijuana for that.

    I kid. At least your wife's a doctor, so she can snoop out the best doctors-slash-treatment protocols.

    Get well soon!

  14. Your kids are really cute. You are just writing/complaining about all that stuff that we all write or complain about. Except you are a guy. Grow a set. I'm kidding. Really, truly, I am just teasing you. It just came out. Oh my God, now I'm going to have to go into therapy because I was mean again. Except I did say that thing about your kids being cute. And it was sincere. The rest, though? Totally teasing. I swear.

  15. Yep, it's' the new parent 20. In my case, 40. The sleep is the hardest part. And also the exercising. On the bright side, your kids are cute.

  16. You should do the surgery asap, wait no longer!


Don't hold back.


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