Thursday, September 29, 2011

They Came to the Right Place When They Asked Me to Write about Drunk Driving

This is a sponsored post.  That means somebody's paying me to mention their product and embed a video.  It doesn't mean I have to promote the product.  In fact, I'm ambivalent about it.


Here are a couple reasons that grownups think teenagers are idiots.
  1. They know some teenagers
  2. They were once teenagers themselves
I taught high school students for a few years, and still teach college underclassmen from time to time, and I would have to say that a lot of them don't have a lick of sense.  But my real understanding of the depths of teenage idiocy comes from my own experience.

My friends and I did a lot of stupid stuff when I was a teenager, even though there was nothing wrong with most of our brains.  I was one of the worst out of my group of stupid friends.

During much of my high school career, the couple years I "took off" afterward, and even into my college years, I made an art form of being irresponsible, unreliable, untrustworthy, and a danger to myself and others.  Some of my behavior might have been cute, harmless, and merely frustrating.  But driving drunk is in a different category.  It's simply indefensible.  And I did it. Frequently.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Don't Call My Kids Pretty

Awkward Conversation with My Neighbors, We'll Call Them Mark and Leslie

EXT. Day.  I'm approaching my garage, with my dog pulling the girls in their wagon.  Mark and Leslie are getting out of their car in their garage, on the opposite side of the alley.

Mark: Hey, look!  It's a parade!

Me: I know, right?  The circus in town.

All: (Neighborly laughter)

Leslie: They're getting so big!  And, Oh My God--so cute!

Mark:  They really are beautiful!  Man!

Me: Yeah?  You think so?  I always think that, but I don't trust my own judgement.

Mark: No, seriously, bro.  They are gorgeous.  You must have some good genes.  I mean, I think I'm pretty good-looking, but, I don't believe I could ever have kids that pretty.

Me: Well, thanks...

Mark: Seriously.  Wow.  Maybe when it's time for us to start trying, you can hook up with Leslie.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Messy Punks

Here's the latest.  Gotta write fast.  Cobra has been on a nap strike for 14 days now, and she finally fell asleep.

After trying to let her cry it out for the first week--which resulted in hour-long screamfests every afternoon--I decided to go into the room where she sleeps (we separate the twins at nap time) and lie on the floor for a while.  This worked out pretty well.  I would get a little nap while she practiced gymnastics in the crib.  She just doesn't seem to be tired.  And I've been working these kids like mules all week: three trips to Sea World, two trips to the zoo, a 1.4 mile hike (I carried them for .4 miles, but still), and playground every afternoon.  Anyway, today she finally fell asleep.  Hoping that breaks the curse.

Here is some cuteness that happened this week that I have to write down.  There's been a lot of cuteness, in fact; but I will only impose these few nuggets right now.


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