Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Annual Mustache Ride

 Anyway, I've got this mustache now.  I haven't really mentioned it here, but, as you probably guessed, it's for Movember.  You know--Movember--when dudes grow mustaches so that people will be all, "ew...you have a mustache" and then the dude can go, "Yeah, it's for SAVING MEN'S LIVES by funding research on prostate and testicular cancer, jerkwad!  Now why don't you donate some money to my Movember page!"

I did it for the first time last year, and it made me think a lot about how concerned I am about my appearance (for no good reason and to little avail) and what it means to wear facial hair that hasn't enjoyed mainstream popularity for thirty years.  But this year I'm more like, eh, whatever: I've got a scraggly mustache and people probably think it's a misguided attempt at ironic hipsterism as a result of a midlife crisis.  Or that I'm a creepy old perv. 

A couple of things that are different than last year: I don't think I went to my gym (whose clientele is about 85% gay males) once with the mustache last year, for some lame reason.  This year, I've been going regularly, and, whereas I have become accustomed to being totally ignored there because I'm not nearly as hot as I thought gay men thought I was, all of the sudden, with the fireman 'stache, I keep catching guys checking me out.  Of course, they very well might be barely suppressing their looks of shock and revulsion when I make eye contact with them.  But at least they seem to know I exist, and I'll take any kind of recognition.

Also, I take my kids to the gym with me these days, because of the awesome childcare setup available there.  The kids and I need a break from each other on those long, napless days when they're not in preschool, and lord knows I need the exercise.  Every once in a while, I peek furtively through the glass door of Kids' Club to see how they're doing, careful not to distract them and possibly curtail my workout and their activities.  Satisfied that they're playing happily, I turn to face the weight room, and realize that I'm an older dude with a mustache spying on children.  AWKward. 

Speaking of firemen, here's another thing I've noticed: My wife has a thing for firemen, which she (jokingly, mostly) likes to throw in my face whenever a fire engine rolls by.  And yet, whenever I have a mustache, she calls me "Sergeant Murphy," or "Dirty copper."  Never "Mister Fireman."  What's up with that?

Speaking of caring about appearances (see Paragraph 2), I've got a sponsor for Movember.  It's J.Paul, a company that makes fancy men's grooming products.  Honestly, I don't know much about them, except that their stuff is sold at Nordstrom, which makes them seem legit, and they offered me some money (which I had them donate to Movember) and some products if I would mention them here.  (I'll tell you how the products work out later.)  AND they're doing a cool Movember giveaway, where you can win some products and even cash!

So, what I'm saying is, go register to win some cool stuff, and, even more importantly, click on this here link and drop a couple shekels into my Movember coffers.  Proceeds go to The Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG Foundation, and that shit is tax deductible, yo!

Thanks from everyone who has (or had) balls, and from everyone who loves them.  And have a Happy Thanksgiving. 

1 comment:

Don't hold back.


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